That's not in the book!

We hear a lot of stuff said in meetings that can't be reconciled with the program as described in the Big Book. What follows are some of the things we often hear, along with what the Big Book has to say on the subject. Please submit anything you feel should be added to this list, along with the corresponding page and paragraph from the Big Book that deals with the subject.

"Don't get involved in a relationship in the first year."

12 and 12: Page 111, Paragraph 1: Here the temptation is to become rather possessive of these newcomers. Perhaps we try to give them advice about their affairs which we aren't really competent to give or ought not give at all. Then we are hurt and confused when the advice is rejected, or when it is accepted and brings still greater confusion.

12 and 12: Page 113, Paragraph 3: Maybe there are serious domestic or romantic difficulties... Can we now, with the help of God as we understand Him, handle them as well and as bravely as our nonalcoholic friends often do? ... Our basic troubles are the same as everyone else's, but when an honest effort is made "to practice these principles in all our affairs," well-grounded A.A.'s seem to have the ability, by God's grace, to take these troubles in stride and turn them into demonstrations of faith.

12 and 12: Page 114, Paragraph 3: Our desires for emotional security and wealth, for personal prestige and power, for romance, and for family satisfactions - all these have to be tempered and redirected. We have learned that the satisfaction of instincts cannot be the sole end and aim of our lives. If we place instincts first, we have got the cart before the horse; we shall be pulled backward into disillusionment. But when we are willing to place spiritual growth first - then and only then do we have a real chance.

12 and 12: Page 122, Paragraph 3: In later life he finds that real happiness is not to be found in just trying to be a number one man, or even a first-rater in the heartbreaking struggle for money, romance, or self-importance. He learns that he can be content as long as he plays well whatever cards life deals him. He's still ambitious, but not absurdly so, because he can now see and accept actual reality. He's willing to stay right size.

"Don't make any major decisions for the first year."

Big Book: Page 87, Paragraph 4: As we go through the day we pause, when agitated or doubtful, and ask for the right thought or action. We constantly remind ourselves we are no longer running the show, humbly saying to ourselves many times each day "Thy will be done." We are then in much less danger of excitement, fear, anger, worry, self-pity, or foolish decisions. We become much more efficient. We do not tire so easily, for we are not burning up energy foolishly as we did when we were trying to arrange life to suit ourselves. It works -- it really does.

12 and 12: Page 101, Paragraph 3: As the day goes on, we can pause where situations must be met and decisions made, and renew the simple request: "Thy will, not mine, be done." If at these points our emotional disturbance happens to be great, we will more surely keep our balance, provided we remember, and repeat to ourselves, a particular prayer or phrase that has appealed to us in our reading or meditation.

"H.A.L.T."

12 and 12: Page 88, Paragraph 2: Then comes the acid test: can we stay sober, keep in emotional balance, and live to good purpose under all conditions? A continuous look at our assets and liabilities, and a real desire to learn and grow by this means, are necessities for us. We alcoholics have learned this the hard way.

"I choose not to drink today."

Big Book: Page 24, Paragraph 2: The fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink. Our so called will power becomes practically nonexistent. We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink.

Big Book: Page 30, Paragraph 3: We alcoholics are men and women who have lost the ability to control our drinking. We know that no real alcoholic ever recovers control. All of us felt at times that we were regaining control, but such intervals - usually brief - were inevitably followed by still less control, which led in time to pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization. We are convinced to a man that alcoholics of our type are in the grip of a progressive illness. Over any considerable period we get worse, never better.

"I don't have an alcohol problem, I have a living problem."

Page xxiv, Paragraph 2: In our belief, any picture of the alcoholic which leaves out this physical factor is incomplete.

Page xxix-xxx, Paragraph 4 : His alcoholic problem was so complex, and his depression so great, that we felt his only hope would be through what we then called "moral psychology," and we doubted if even that would have any effect. However, he did become "sold" on the ideas contained in this book. He has not had a drink for a great many years.

"I haven't had a drink today, so I'm a complete success today."

Big Book: Page 19, Paragraph 1: The elimination of drinking is but a beginning.  A much more important demonstration of our principles lies before us in our respective homes, occupations and affairs.

"I need to forgive myself first."

Big Book: Page 74, Paragraph 2: The rule is we must be hard on ourself, but always considerate of others.

"I need to learn to take care of myself."

"I was a victim of low self-esteem. I need to love myself more."

"I will always be recovering, never recovered."

Title Page, ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS: The Story of How Many Thousands of Men and Women Have Recovered from Alcoholism

Foreword to the First Edition: We, of Alcoholics Anonymous, are more than one hundred men and women who have recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body.

Big Book: Page 20, Paragraph 2: Doubtless you are curious to discover how and why, in face of expert opinion to the contrary, we have recovered from a hopeless condition of mind and body.

Big Book: Page 29, Paragraph 2: Further on, clear-cut directions are given showing how we recovered.

Big Book: Page 132, Paragraph 3: We have recovered, and have been given the power to help others.

"I'm an alcoholic, and an..."

12 and 12: Page 129, Paragraph 1: Without unity, the heart of A.A. would cease to beat; our world arteries would no longer carry the life-giving grace of God; His gift to us would be spent aimlessly. Back again in their caves, alcoholics would reproach us and say, "What a great thing A.A. might have been!"

12 and 12: Page 150, Paragraph 3: The unique ability of each A.A. to identify himself with, and bring recovery to, the newcomer in no way depends upon his learning, eloquence, or on any special individual skills. The only thing that matters is that he is an alcoholic who has found a key to sobriety.

12 and 12: Page 150, Paragraph 1: "Shoemaker, stick to thy last!"... better do one thing supremely well than many badly. That is the central theme of this Tradition. Around it our Society gathers in unity. The very life of our Fellowship requires the preservation of this principle.

12 and 12: Page 157, Paragraph 2: These adventures implanted a deep-rooted conviction that in no circumstances could we endorse any related enterprise, no matter how good. We of Alcoholics Anonymous could not be all things to all men, nor should we try.

"I'm powerless over people, places and things."

Big Book: Page 21, Paragraph 3: Here is a fellow who has been puzzling you, especially in his lack of control. He does absurd, incredible, tragic things while drinking. He is a real Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. He is seldom mildly intoxicated. He is always more or less insanely drunk. His disposition while drinking resembles his normal nature but little. He may be one of the finest fellows in the world. Yet let him drink for a day, and he frequently becomes disgustingly, and even dangerously anti-social. He has a positive genius for getting tight at exactly the wrong moment, particularly when some important decision must be made or engagement kept. He is often perfectly sensible and well balanced concerning everything except liquor, but in that respect he is incredibly dishonest and selfish. He often possesses special abilities, skills, and aptitudes, and has a promising career ahead of him.

"If all I do is stay sober today, then it's been a good day."

Big Book: Page 82, Paragraph 3: Sometimes we hear an alcoholic say that the only thing he needs to do is to keep sober. Certainly he must keep sober, for there will be no home if he doesn't. But he is yet a long way from making good to the wife or parents whom for years he has so shockingly treated.

Big Book: Page 82, Paragraph 4: We feel a man is unthinking when he says sobriety is enough.

"It's my opinion that..."

Big Book: Page 19, Paragraph 1: We have concluded to publish an anonymous volume setting forth the problem as we see it.  We shall bring to the task our combined experience and knowledge.  This should suggest a useful program for anyone concerned with a drinking problem.

"Just do the next right thing."

Big Book: Page 49, Paragraph 3: People of faith have a logical idea of what life is all about. Actually, we used to have no reasonable conception whatever.

Big Book: Page 70, Paragraph 3: We earnestly pray for the right ideal, for guidance in each questionable situation, for sanity, and for the strength to do the right thing.

Big Book: Page 79, Paragraph 2: Reminding ourselves that we have decided to go to any lengths to find a spiritual experience, we ask that we be given strength and direction to do the right thing no matter what the personal consequences may be.

Big Book: Page 86, Paragraph 4: We may not be able to determine which course to take. Here we ask God for inspiration, an intuitive thought or a decision.

Big Book: Page 87, Paragraph 1: Being still inexperienced and having just made conscious contact with God, it is not probable that we are going to be inspired at all times. We might pay for this presumption in all sorts of absurd actions and ideas.

"Just don't drink." or "Put the plug in the jug."

Big Book: Page 34, Paragraph 2: Many of us felt we had plenty of character. There was a tremendous urge to cease forever.  Yet we found it impossible.  This is the baffling feature of alcoholism as we know it—this utter inability to leave it alone, no matter how great the necessity or the wish.

Big Book: Page 34, Paragraph 3: Whether such a person can quit upon a nonspiritual basis depends upon the extent to which he has already lost the power to choose whether he will drink or not.

"Keep coming back, eventually it will rub off on you."

Big Book: Page 64, Paragraph 1: Though our decision was a vital and crucial step, it could have little permanent effect unless at once followed by a strenuous effort to face, and to be rid of, the things in ourselves which had been blocking us.

"Meeting makers make it."

Foreword to Second Edition, Paragraph 1: Of alcoholics who came to A.A. and really tried, 50% got sober at once and remained that way; 25% sobered up after some relapses, and among the remainder, those who stayed with A.A. showed improvement. Other thousands came to a few A.A. meetings and at first decided they didn't want the program. But great numbers of these - about two out of three - began to return as time passed.

"Ninety Meetings in Ninety Days."

Big Book: Page 159, Paragraph 4: In addition to these casual get-togethers, it became customary to set apart one night a week for a meeting to be attended ... the prime object was to provide a time and place where new people might bring their problems.

"Play the tape all the way through."

Big Book: Page 24, Paragraph 3: The almost certain consequences that follow taking even a glass of beer do not crowd into the mind to deter us. I f these thoughts do occur, they are hazy and readily supplanted with the old threadbare idea that this time we shall handle ourselves like other people. There is a complete failure of the kind of defense that keeps one from putting his hand on a hot stove.

"Remember your last drunk."

Big Book: Page 24, Paragraph 2: We are unable, at times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink.

"Take what you want and leave the rest."

Big Book: Page 17, Paragraph 3: The tremendous fact for every one of us is that we have discovered a common solution. We have a way out on which we can absolutely agree, and upon which we can join in brotherly and harmonious action. This is the great news this book carries to those who suffer from alcoholism.

"Take your time to work the steps."

Big Book: Page 63, Paragraph 3: Next we launched on a course of vigorous action.

Big Book: Page 74, Paragraph 2: ... this step may be postponed only, however, if we hold ourselves in complete readiness to go through with it at the first opportunity ...

"There are no musts in this program."

"Think through the drink."

Big Book: Page 43, Paragraph 4: Once more: The alcoholic at certain times has no effective mental defense against the first drink. Except in a few rare cases, neither he nor any other human being can provide such a defense. His defense must come from a Higher Power.

"This is a selfish program."

Big Book: Page 14, Paragraph 0: For if an alcoholic failed to perfect and enlarge his spiritual life through work and self-sacrifice for others, he could not survive the certain trials and low spots ahead.

Big Book: Page 20, Paragraph 1: Our very lives, as ex-problem drinkers depend upon our constant thought of others and how we may help meet their needs.

Big Book: Page 62, Paragraph 2: Selfishness, self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.

Big Book: Page 62, Paragraph 3: So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making. They arise out of ourselves, and the alcoholic is an extreme example of self-will run riot, though he usually doesn't think so. Above everything, we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness. We must, or it will kill us!

Big Book: Page 97, Paragraph 2: Helping others is the foundation stone of your recovery. A kindly act once in a while isn't enough. You have to act the Good Samaritan every day, if need be. It may mean the loss of many nights' sleep, great interference with your pleasures, interruptions to your business. It may mean sharing your money and your home, counseling frantic wives and relatives, innumerable trips to police courts, sanitariums, hospitals, jails and asylums. Your telephone may jangle at any time of the day or night.

"We must change playmates, playgrounds, and playthings."

Big Book: Page 100, Paragraph 5: Assuming we are spiritually fit, we can do all sorts of things alcoholics are not supposed to do. People have said we must not go where liquor is served; we must not have it in our homes; we must shun friends who drink; we must avoid moving pictures which show drinking scenes; we must not go into bars; our friends must hide their bottles if we go to their houses; we mustn't think or be reminded about alcohol at all. Our experience shows that this is not necessarily so. We meet these conditions every day. An alcoholic who cannot meet them, still has an alcoholic mind; there is something the matter with his spiritual status. His only chance for sobriety would be some place like the Greenland Ice Cap, and even there an Eskimo might turn up with a bottle of scotch and ruin everything!

"We need to give up planning, it doesn't work."

Big Book: Page 86, Paragraph 3: On awakening let us think about the twenty-four hours ahead. We consider our plans for the day. Before we begin, we ask God to direct our thinking, especially asking that it be divorced from self-pity, dishonest or self-seeking motives. Under these conditions we can employ our mental faculties with assurance, for after all God gave us brains to use. Our thought-life will be placed on a much higher plane when our thinking is cleared of wrong motives. In thinking about our day we may face indecision. We may not be able to determine which course to take. Here we ask God for inspiration, an intuitive thought or a decision. We relax and take it easy. We don't struggle. We are often surprised how the right answers come after we have tried this for a while.

"You need to stay in those feelings and really feel them."

"You're in the right place."

Big Book: Page 31, Paragraph 4: We do not like to pronounce any individual as alcoholic, but you can quickly diagnose yourself. Step over to the nearest barroom and try some controlled drinking. Try to drink and stop abruptly. Try it more than once. It will not take long for you to decide, if you are honest with yourself about it. It may be worth a bad case of jitters if you get a full knowledge of your condition.

Big Book: Page 95, Paragraph 4: If he thinks he can do the job in some other way, or prefers some other spiritual approach, encourage him to follow his own conscience.

The information on this web site represents the views of individual members of the  group and visitors to this website and does not necessarily reflect those of Alcoholics Anonymous. Please disregard anything that you can't reconcile with the Big Book.