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hatefulness - posted by Norma Desmond at 04/19 11:31AM Back at work...rotten Monday. The two women who supervise me can't stand me. They are rude and unpleasant and gossip about me to other coworkers. It's really bad, it's such a hostile work environment. Very demoralizing. But in all honesty, I have to admit that I've been meanspirited about so many people in the fellowship...not openly like these two jewels...but smug and backstabbing for sure. This defect has become such an issue for me that I recently worked the steps on it. In addition to my willingess to give this defect to the Higher Power, I pray that the way these women are treating me serves as a not-so-gentle reminder of the similar damage I've most likely inflicted on others. God forgive me. Anyone with any experience, strength and hope on this subject?

re: hatefulness - posted by privateparty on 04/19 12:27PM once i ask god to remove all the fears involved with there gossip .And ask god to protect me from the fears .Its none of my bussines any more f-em they get it back to there account someway .Its like the Boomerang!bAM! JUST LIKE THAT ! bAM THEYDO THAT TO ME IN AA.lol gOD hELP THE SICK FKS AMennnnn! Thank you Lord you are my protector! Amen higher power.

re: hatefulness - posted by kah on 04/19 01:54PM For most of my life I never thought much about how I treated people. I could write books about how I thought they treated me. Emotionally immature, grandiose and childish all fit me to a tee. They always stepped on my toes and I retaliated. I walked over and stepped on lots of people along my way. It was very much an "every man for himself" world and you better get them before they get you. I never could see my end in anything until taking the steps of AA. After sobering up, it took a long time for me to see how awful I had treated some people. I beleive it to be one of the greatest gifts the higher power has given me, an honest recognition of who and what I am. Just seeing my behavior in many areas has been incredibly painful and humbling. I am what I am and only a higher power can change me. He has worked miracles in my life for a long time now and there is still lots of room for improvement. The gossip area is one that troubles me terribly. I try really hard to not participate and fall short sometimes, and when I do, the emotional hangover is awful. I continue to go to a higher power with these defects. If I look back to how I used to behave and how I behave now, remarkable progress has been made. God is good. As far as the hostile crap at work, I am very fortunate to work with some lovely people and not have to endure that kind of stuff. I can imagine that it would be terribly uncomfortable. The only thing I can offer is the same thing that has saved me in so many other areas, "am I willing to serve them?". I have one or two strained relationships right now that are causing some pain. Each day, I get up and say a prayer for them and ask God to help me to be willing to serve them. I believe if he needed me to serve them today, that I would be able to do so. I also believe that there are all kinds of sick folks out there, beyond just the walls of AA. Can I treat them as such? I can ask the higher power to help me to be willing to. Seems like as long as I keep focused on trying to do what I think a higher power would have me to do, I get what I need, dont have to take a drink and find a bit of peace along the way. I am dealing with paralyzing fear right now. That is when my defects all start screaming. All day long it has been a matter of just trying to practice those things I already mentioned and continuous prayer. I have found some comfort in praying for faith that we will get what we need to deal with what is in front of us right now. I have a son with a neurological disorder and his symptoms have gotten really bad again. It breaks my heart and leaves a pit of anxiety in my stomach that is awful. The beauty of AA for me is that the solution for me is the same for you: trust God, clean house and help others. No matter what the circumstances, solution is the same. Peace to you my friend. Do not have it in me to wish anyone pain today.

re: hatefulness - posted by pooter on 04/19 02:42PM I can totally relate to your situation. I have been in a room with the same 12 people for three years. It is a very competitive program that we are in, and it seems that there is these couple of people that will seemingly walk all over anyone in the class or use them to get what they want. One person in particular has become this practice for me to help in ways that God would want me. I have built models for her, shopped with her because she did not know what she would need in order to build those specific models, spoken with her for hours about her individual design and ideas on it, and she has never once shared anything to myself or the rest of the class freely. It has taken a long time with me working on my own defects to be able to place the importance of what this person does or doesn't do on the peripheral of my life. It was never really a big deal, but at the times that those things were happening it felt like life or death. She has not changed in the way that she walks around to everyone collecting the entire classes ideas to put in her individual design, but it does not bother me the way that it had in the past. I remember helping her at times and then getting mad at myself for doing so; I wanted her advice back. I remember saying prayers for God to help me be a worker among workers . . . over and over and over. I remember leaving the room and taking walks talking to myself about how I hated her and the way that she was in studio. Her little backstabbing secrets and the way that she walked all over people. The whole time talking about her (even if it was to myself in the quad on campus while all those people walking by thought that I was crazy). Today, like someone said in the noon meeting, "I think that my ideas on success have changed a bit from what I used to believe them to be when I first entered into the Grad Program." I love to be able to help my classmates on ideas about their designs. I find it more meaningful today. There are times still that it is hard, but I think that instead of being completely focused on how much better I can be than everyone else in the class, I have began to try and help them more and more as time has gone by. I try not to fall into that self-centeredness of being "the best in the class". I mean it is already one of the best in the Nation . . . why can't that be good enough from the beginning? hehe It just never was for me earlier on in school. I like to work away sometimes so that I am not in the "drama" of the class. Today, I am pretty much left out, and I am okay with that too. I do still try to participate when possible. They are all good people and have strengths in areas where I sometimes struggle. It has just taken three years to come to this conclusion. I know that God brought these things out in me to show me because it was time for them to be noticed. Boy, did they ever cause problems and difficult struggles and most of all uncomfortable feelings about my situations. But, I would not change them for the world today. I go into studio, and I look to see where my classmates are struggling and begin to listen to them. I listen to their ideas, and try to give them feedback if possible to help them get through those struggles. I wish you the best and hope that you will be able to serve them regardless of any outcome. I think that God brings these situations up in my life because it is time for me to see what he is trying to mold me into to better serve him. It is tough; it is uncomfortable; it is painful. I pray you find some peace in spite of all that is happening.

re: hatefulness - posted by Wade l on 04/20 12:23AM Forgiveness, it's a hell of a thing how a little concept, when achieved, brings so much peace. Yes I have been there. I had a job where my boss didn't want me working for him and had the other employees harassing me non-stop. It was miserable. I didn't drink and learned the measure of fortitude that I had in my character. I needed the job, so I continued to work there. I ended up getting another job and on my exit interview, my boss said he hadn't even wanted to hire me in the first place. I was able to laugh at him. I really began to pity them and the small mindedness of them, how inconsequential their pettiness was. I didn't enjoy working until I left that job. Since then every job I have had has been a piece of cake. Life is not meant to be a vale of tears, we are not to be a glum lot. So what is it that makes you happy? What brings joy to your life? What is God's purpose for you? What is the most important thing for you to accomplish. I don't know about you, but I don't want to look back at my life and see that I squandered it. My job is definitely not what is important to the HP, it does not define me, it is just a way to support myself and family so we can be of service to God. Some say the purpose of our suffering is that it pushes us towards happiness, If we just stay suffering and not use it, what would we call that? Misery, guilt, self-pity or loathing. If no one told you they love you today, then I love you!

re: hatefulness - posted by privateparty on 04/23 06:39PM and your point

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While we hope that all our guests share their experience as it relates to the program of Alcoholics Anonymous, we remind everyone that the contents of these message strings are strictly personal opinions of the authors. When in doubt about the nature of statements made please consult the Big Book and other AA reference materials... our motto: "If its not in the book, it doesn't count." Thank you all for sharing.