The Barflies Message Board

Welcome to the Barflies Group Message Board. We encourage all alcoholics to share their experience, strength and hope in a way that is conducive to AA’s primary purpose, which is to stay sober and help other alcoholics achieve sobriety.

PLEASE NOTICE: the Barflies Group maintains the right to block disruptive users and delete posts/replies that do not support our primary purpose as stated above or that we deem harmful to alcoholics. We truly want this board to be yet one more way for alcoholics to help one another, and we want it to be a safe place to go, should the need arise. With that said, we will do all we possibly can to maintain the integrity of the board.

[ Signup for the Board | Edit Your Account | Homegroup Member Login | Recover Passwords ]

23 members are currently monitoring the board. | Your IP address: 38.107.191.119

Drinking Time - posted by kah at 04/17 09:13AM So, coming off a tricky couple of weeks and a particularly crappy day yesterday, I found myself longing for a long neck. Does not happen too often, but it hit like a ton of bricks yesterday evening. Had plans all week to be in Grand Isle for most of weekend for kid's baseball. That same kid got in trouble at school and ended up suspended, which of course meant I had to cancel the weekend plans. You dont get to get suspended then go spend a weekend in Grand Isle. Even if I had been willing to go, he would have been ineligible to play today because of suspension. In the big scheme of things, the child's offense while troublesome was not the end of the world, but it kicks off my deepest fears, those that have to do with my kids. Will they turn out ok? or do they have a future filled with making license plates? This is my weakest link in the "trust God" department. Of course, when I am having trouble trusting in one area it snowballs into others. So, as I am making my hour trek home in traffic, I am reviewing the events of the day, a friend calls and she and several others are sitting on the patio of a local restaurant/bar close to my home and want me to come meet them. These are lifelong friends, very familiar with my history and it is not at all uncommon for me to be with them and be the only sober person there. I am often around alcohol, more so than any other sober person I know and it rarely bothers me. Yet, this is the second instance in as many weeks, where I wanted to be able to drink like a normal man. Just take the edge off, relax, unwind, etc. I passed on the invite, not feeling like I was near enough on solid ground to go, but then I was just pissy. I finished off a 1/2 bag of oreos which brought about the inevitable "fat and ugly" day. I digress. Different topic. Restless, irritable and discontent. I started praying right away and asking God to keep me sober. It scares the hell out of me when thoughts like this pop up. I wonder if I will stay sober forever. These thoughts have filtered in and out for a couple of weeks and I have had a really tough time talking about it. In fact, I barely have. Out of the blue a friend calls and I was in tears when I heard his voice because of course, I did not want to call anyone and get this shit out of my head. He reminded me about "drinking time", that when I crave this drink, I am really craving some ease and comfort, release from care, boredom and worry. He reminded me that when I feel this way, the most natural thing in the world for me to want is to drink and/or get laid. He also reminded me that God's love and mercy is still there even when I feel like this. I prayed my way through the evening and this morning. It has not passed completely, but not as intense as it was last night. Just needed to say it out loud so to speak and if there is anyone else out there who could picture themselves on the patio at Mesa Luna with a margarita in hand, you are not alone. Everything looks better on the patio at Mesa Luna. It is just really hard to be sober this long and fess up to feeling like this. Part of it, I am sure is ego. The other part is truly wanting to be a beacon of hope for newercomers and I get scared that I am not. Drinking time scares me to death.

re: Drinking Time - posted by privateparty on 04/18 09:36PM I think we all get there every now and then and in my case I actually get the taste in my mouth.I know that.I do not have the right to enjoy the drama of dwelling in those thoughts and where it gets me( I cannot sit and molest the bottle).I have to try to focus on something or someone else to keep from falling back in darkness.While in the light I can see.When I step into darkness I cannot see and fall.I fall for anything and everything after that.before the night is over Tragedy occurs and someone is in debt and someone or something is hurt.This is the season to rellax, pretty weather before it gets to hot to bear being outside. I love the spring.Getting close yeah I want that too but I like it to be real and mutual.I am not in for the games people play.Settling down is more like it.I just saw this and realize I can pray for you and tell you someone out there cares for you.God Loves You.

POST REPLY: Please submit your experience, strength and/or hope as it relates to the program of AA below.

[ Signup for the Board | Edit Your Account | Homegroup Member Login | Recover Passwords ]

While we hope that all our guests share their experience as it relates to the program of Alcoholics Anonymous, we remind everyone that the contents of these message strings are strictly personal opinions of the authors. When in doubt about the nature of statements made please consult the Big Book and other AA reference materials... our motto: "If its not in the book, it doesn't count." Thank you all for sharing.