The Barflies Message Board

Welcome to the Barflies Group Message Board. We encourage all alcoholics to share their experience, strength and hope in a way that is conducive to AA’s primary purpose, which is to stay sober and help other alcoholics achieve sobriety.

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do people really forgive you and try . . . - posted by pooter at 03/26 12:16PM I am just sitting here thinking of what this thing called "love" really is. What is that shit. I am so confused. How can you say that you love someone and not be able to look at them for days on in. I have done some awful things over the past couple of weeks, but there is not anything that I can do about that right now. I am trying to place my hope and faith in God. I want to be able to free of wanting to be with this man, and smash any hope that there is a possibility of us getting back together. I feel as though he is just talking to me enough for him to be able to get through this mess with more comfort. He says that we can get coffee, and then never calls. He says that he is busy to do anything with me and that maybe we can do it some other time. Then he will text me that he should have came, he is sorry that he didn't. I don't know what to do. Just hold on and continue to make his life more comfortable while I sit in agony through out the day. The continual idea of hope to work through it and then the pain of him not doing what he says he is going to do is misery. I am doing all that he is asking to the best of my ability. No results. My heart is pounding through my chest, and it is so hard to breathe. If is does not want me then why can't he just tell me so. I get agitated and angry all over again, but pause and call all kinds of different people so that I do not fuck up things more than they already are. I hear stories of how things work out, but I just don't see if happening for him and I. There is no willingness, and it feels that the longer this petty game continues the more I hurt. It is like he enjoys me in the pain and misery. I am just fucked up. I don't want to respond through the anger. I had relief for the most part last night. He asked me not to call him back late at night and it is a miracle that I did not attempt to do that. I really felt close to God. It is moments that are few and far between that I feel peace. I just want to throw my arms up and say, "FUCK IT, HE obviously does not even want to contact me . . . it is like a love hate relationship." There ya go. That is what I create in relationships. It is killing me to just sit still and keep praying. I have had moments of hope that he genuinely wanted to work through this. But hope is falling to the wayside, and I want to still be okay with God.

re: do people really forgive you and try . . . - posted by PM on 03/26 12:25PM In times like this I would dig a hole in the yard and end up with a garden.

re: do people really forgive you and try . . . - posted by TMI on 03/26 10:48PM I feel your rant! All I have to say is that my pride kills me and/or the relationship. When I was drinking it was pretty easy to be nomadic relationship wise. When things went bad I'd hit the road. I didn't have to face the music and drank my way through it. When I first got sober my girlfriend and I had just broken up. It was a pretty fucked up deal and from time to time I still think about her and wonder what if. It was real uncomfortable for me and I had no idea what the fuck to do. The whole love hate thing was in full gear, at least on my part. I was pretty much fucked with or with out her. All I could was put that shit on the back burner and try and stay sober. I worried the shit out of everybody about what to do. Through it all I've stayed sober. I did this on the phone so sorry about no paragraph breaks. I know there a lot of English teacher types on here, LOL.

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While we hope that all our guests share their experience as it relates to the program of Alcoholics Anonymous, we remind everyone that the contents of these message strings are strictly personal opinions of the authors. When in doubt about the nature of statements made please consult the Big Book and other AA reference materials... our motto: "If its not in the book, it doesn't count." Thank you all for sharing.