The Barflies Message Board

Welcome to the Barflies Group Message Board. We encourage all alcoholics to share their experience, strength and hope in a way that is conducive to AA’s primary purpose, which is to stay sober and help other alcoholics achieve sobriety.

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waking up - posted by jda at 02/05 09:11AM Maybe the 1,001 +1 times a charm. Waking up to much fear about things. Life scares the shit out of me. Talking with a friend, I would tend to agree that an empty vessel gives you a better shot at this sobriety thing but guess what…I don’t want to let go of the things in my life. I love them too much. At the same time, these are the very things that scare the shit out of me. I like the whole “your gonna feel uncomfortable for a while” thing that was mentioned in the previous thread cause you know what….I feel uncomfortable…very uncomfortable.

re: waking up - posted by pooter on 02/05 12:09PM I remember when I first came into the rooms of AA. I had no friends left, and did not like talking to people about what was really going on inside my head. I remember hunkering down in the corners of my house and crying when I was all alone. I had a roommate at this time, but I never interacted with him (or maybe I did as best I could). I remember the uncomfortable feeling. It never left me. I felt it more through the nights, and the nights were definitely a time of hard, lonely, struggles. I do know that the more I kept close to AA and the fellowship that time passed, sometimes without my even realizing it. My thoughts and behaviors are slower to change. I think that I have a long way to go, but things get easier. It is rare that I just have a very shitty day. But, there are those days that my thoughts, fears, anxieties, and actions make a day a hard day to get through. I have had those moments of grace that have carried me through, and that is my assurance that AA works. I can't explain how or even why. It just does. The hard times are letting the rest of the world be what it is and finding my own place in the midst of it. The faith is what I lack the majority of the time. I could not trust (for years) that a higher power would take care of me (even if it was to be in death). That faith and trust is better today. It is not by any means good. Just better. I only feel uncomfortable for a shorter time. In comparing to those beginning days, it seemed as though months (almost an entire year) was the extent of the "uncomfortableness." All I can say is that it is not like that for me today (or at least not everyday). I can really laugh, smile, and even be truly happy from time to time. It is just different. Not too many major UPS or DOWNS. I remember thinking that my life what that pendulum - - swinging out of control from one side to the other. Much love.

re: waking up - posted by jules on 02/05 02:18PM I woke up with the same thing this morning, plus an emotional hangover. It sucks and I got nothing other than a big fat, "me too." Woe is me.....

re: waking up - posted by kah on 02/05 02:34PM If somebody drops a paper clipe, pick it up.

re: waking up - posted by Jules on 02/05 02:36PM what if I can't see the paper clip because I keep logging into online banking trying to mentally make money appear:) I guess I'm about to do some dishes.....

POST REPLY: Please submit your experience, strength and/or hope as it relates to the program of AA below.

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While we hope that all our guests share their experience as it relates to the program of Alcoholics Anonymous, we remind everyone that the contents of these message strings are strictly personal opinions of the authors. When in doubt about the nature of statements made please consult the Big Book and other AA reference materials... our motto: "If its not in the book, it doesn't count." Thank you all for sharing.