The Barflies Message Board

Welcome to the Barflies Group Message Board. We encourage all alcoholics to share their experience, strength and hope in a way that is conducive to AA’s primary purpose, which is to stay sober and help other alcoholics achieve sobriety.

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alcoholism and food - posted by Shirin at 01/22 02:46PM I am wondering how your eating habits affect your alcoholism and vice versa? I really struggle with having a healthy relationship to food. That is, when my food gets messy by either overeating or eating and throwing up it sends me into fits of despair and I want to drink/die. I always choose alcohol over food, and now that I am trying to get sober again the food thing throws me back to wanting to drink and the cycle continues. Has anyone else struggled with this? Have you managed to stay sober anyway, and has it gotten better? I have a lot of despair about this.

re: alcoholism and food - posted by kah on 01/22 03:22PM Hey Girl: For me personally it is not about "alcoholism and food", it is just about "alcoholism". Seems like when I am spiritually fit and trying to seek and do God's will, food is just another part of the day, just something my body requires. The opposite is true when I am not spiritually fit, I indulge my sweat tooth and feel like shit or go to other extremes, which for me today means sunflower seeds and a protein shake. I could substitute food for money, men, kids, work, etc. Bottom line is once I was restored to enough sanity by a higher power to not pick up a drink, these other things got better in time too. Anytime I am using these other things - food, men, money,kids, etc. to make me feel better, my high is pretty short lived and has a tendency to bring me crashing down and filled with despair. Have struggled all day with trying to not reach out and touch someone from the past just to get laid and feel better for a bit. For me though, that is not what I really want and as soon as the momentary high is over and I realize that I still dont have what I want, there comes an emotional fallout filled with despair that is so much worse than how i feel now. So I ask the higher power for help to do the best that I can and if I fail and end up in bed with this man, I still dont have to take a drink. If I am wiling to pay whatever consequences come, I dont have to take a drink. I feel despair when I dont want to pay the consequences. Put the spiritual first and the rest will take care of itself. (Dont read my earlier post - having a crappy day). The good news is you can get sober whether you are overeating or puking your guts up. Also, I remember very well being told to eat sweets when I was first sobering up. It helps with the detox. I did and it did help. Peace to you. Please call if I can help.

re: alcoholism and food - posted by Norma Desmond on 01/22 04:15PM Hey Girl, Most of us put on extra weight when we first get sober. During trying times in sobriety I still usually gain extra weight. But I keep putting sobriety first, and eventually it evens out. I think that's pretty typical in AA. However, some of us are more dominated by the defect of gluttony than others. I know one really nice guy who was chubby when he got sober, but now, after a few years in sobriety, he weighs close to 400 pounds. I can understand not wanting to pay those consequences. My dominating defect is lust. It was released with a vengence when I got sober. I started following lust wherever it lead. Eventually it lead to a very disturbing marriage, followed by a sober bottom. I made plans to kill myself -- knowing that I would drink first. The Higher Power intervened and I agreed to live and stay sober. However, I had to become willing to let God run my sex life from then on...no matter how much I wanted it. Take if from someone who has spent a lot of painful time in the fetal position and stayed sober through it, AA works. Love, Norma

re: alcoholism and food - posted by Trail of Tears on 01/22 05:08PM Gluttony is my default defect. I struggled with a weight problem alongside my active alcoholism for years. I never chose one over the other...I wanted a lot of both. Food is where I've always gone for ease and comfort...I even used it to ease the effects of alcohol when I was drinking. "Feeling queasy from the liter and half of rotgut wine? Let's go buy a sackful of Krystal burgers." I can fry bacon and eggs in a semi-blackout. When I got sober, I was already overweight and worried that it would get worse, but I remember my sponsor telling me that if I put the spiritual first that the rest would take care of itself. But truthfully when I was tired and lonely, it was easy for me to justify & to myself, "Eat the oyster po-boy. You deserve it. I mean, look at ALL the things you've given up. Fuck the organic salad, at least it's not vodka." I would like to say that the weight came off and the neurosis fell away, but the defect is still there, especially when I am upset, and the ass is still there. There was a period where I lost a lot of weight in sobriety and so thought I was relieved from gluttony. The truth was that I smoked like a freight train, so my gluttony was just being satisfied by cigarettes. I do have some relief, though, from the defect...It's still there, I know that it's there, and lately I've had to accept the reality that I have possibly done some serious damage to my body from all the years of justifying my gluttony. I can't justify taking comfort in something that could end up making me really sick, maybe even kill me, and render myself useless to my fellows. All I know is that I am a defective individual but I keep trying to be willing to go back to the drawing board and look at my defects --- whether it's gluttony or sloth or anger --- and trying again for something better. Peace...

re: alcoholism and food - posted by radja on 01/24 02:53PM My first experience with anorexia, I was 17 years old. I was going off to college and in my eyes everyone was beautiful and happy; of course that could not have been further for the truth. The girls I befriended were either bulimic or like me had absolutely no desire to comprise calories/food versus booze. My first hospitalization was when I was 20, and I did exactly what they told me to so I could get the hell out of there…I hated our self-esteem group sessions where I had to look at a picture on the hall and deicide if that was how I felt. But I did it just to score point with the counselors. My second hospitalization was when I was 25 (there were 3 after that) and it was the "same ole same ole." But here's the thing, I was born a drunk and part of the shame that comes with that can manifest itself in many ways…eating disorders, sex, destruction of relationships (especially family). The only caution I can give from my last experience (2004-one week stint at St Clare) is they chalk me with a ton of drugs (efexor-xanax) that almost led to my suicide. I was so lucky, had it not been the fellowship who know I may not here today…because they would leave me alone!! So today if I can try my best to keep my side of the street clean, good things seem to happen. I can't help but to think that God has a plan for me and today I'm willing to wait. Please forgive any typos!

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While we hope that all our guests share their experience as it relates to the program of Alcoholics Anonymous, we remind everyone that the contents of these message strings are strictly personal opinions of the authors. When in doubt about the nature of statements made please consult the Big Book and other AA reference materials... our motto: "If its not in the book, it doesn't count." Thank you all for sharing.