The Barflies Message Board

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re: Jealousy - posted by gilly at 12/09 11:48AM I applied for a promotion at my job but did not get it. The person that got the job is better qualified but I am not happy for them. I want to start a fight or cause some sort of harm with them. My mind is filled with thoughts of retaliation, & being abused and under appreciated. It's a sad sad story, lol. Unfortunately, there is not much room in my heart for anything but me. How do you feel happy for others?

re: re: Jealousy - posted by kah on 12/09 01:17PM I too have struggled with jealousy a bit here lately. And the situation I am jealous of is so twisted, no one in their right mind would be jealous. Clearly I am not always in my right mind. What sucks the most about jealousy for me is it quickly turns into self-pity, which is just a fancy way of saying "God got it wrong". That is the real issue for me, a lack of trust in God and him knowing what is best for me and others as well. It is hard, particularly when it is something I really want and see someone else get. Kind of like knowing the person who wins the lottery. That would suck. I wish you great peace my friend and trust that you and I, all of us, are where God wants us to be. Kim

re: re: Jealousy - posted by jules on 12/09 01:19PM When you find out, please let me know:) Honestly, I think through prayer. I think about the St. Francis prayer where it talks about bringing good stuff where there is bad (bad summary, but that's all i got right now). When I honestly pray to be rid of self and to earnestly serve others, I seem to be more at peace. Whether I get what I want or not, I seem to be ok with it. God has plans for us all. It's just not what I can see right now and all I can see is that they got this and I didn't. I'm desperate to be out of myself right now. Everytime the phone rings and I don't want to answer, I think, "is this the phone call that will go far in willingness to serve if I answer?" I keep answering today, even though I didn't get what I wanted an hour ago. Just keep walking. Except for Sonya and Kimberly, I really have answered the phone. Sorry ladies, I was in the shower:(

re: re: Jealousy - posted by jda on 12/09 01:33PM Of course the flip side is getting the promotion and then being in fear of keeping it...all the time. Sometimes I get stuff I really want and then get all twisted up about a fear of loosing it. My experience tells me that walking with a higher power gets me through anything...any twisted situation or feeling I may be having. It just takes massive amounts of pain or humiliation to get me to that place some times. Jealousy for me is the worst of all emotions I feel. It can bring me to my knees and make me absolutly useless to others. I could be in the best place on the planet and these moments are spoiled by jealousy. Strange thing is, I don't want to feel jealoous but have no control over the emotion once it has me in it's grip. The HP is the only way out of this one for me and I patiently wait for the moment that I am released from it.

re: re: Jealousy - posted by Norma Desmond on 12/09 01:53PM Hi Gilly, Sorry to hear about the pass-over. That bites. I've never been able to feel happy for someone when I'm not, but I CAN get past being unhappy by serving them. As you know, my work life have been full of turmoil and angst since I got sober (in other words, since I became self-supporting). Funny, but the Higher Power uses the workplace as His main laboratory for cooking up the mysterious brew of my spiritual growth. What I bring to the mix is a dash of ambitious striving, a splash of competive envy and a sprinkle of financial aspirations. When it blows up, He just shakes his head and says, "Norma, that's bad science!" As I wipe the gooey mess off my face, I am reminded once again that my REAL job is to trust God with the outcome and help others as I journey through their lives. Love ya, Norma

re: re: Jealousy - posted by kah on 12/09 01:55PM Norma, that just made my day. That and two boxes of Fruity Pebbles (another story). Marry me?

re: re: Jealousy - posted by Pile of Coathangers on 12/09 02:04PM What is this word you speak of....jealousy? Just kidding! I can't count the number of times I've seen someone succeed in some area of their lives and felt like God must have said F-you pile. I immediately start inventorying all my attributes and how I never had in a chance in the past and won't have one in the future. Cool thing is, like JDA said, my HP helps get me through it. There's a fellow at work who has the same position I do and we both took an exam back in October. Which means when a certain position comes open we will both be up for it provided we both passed the exam. In the past I would be praying for him to fail, miserably, but I honestly hope he passed. If he gets the position it will be fine. Hell, he's got a family to provide for and I don't. Right now I am experiencing a different kind of jealousy. Have you ever not wanted something, but didn't want anyone else to have it either. That is until a suitable replacement was provided? So much for my insight, lol.

re: re: Jealousy - posted by jslaneaux on 12/09 02:32PM I struggle from jealousy daily. Today I overheard a couple co-workers talking about some recent business success. Because of my lack of effort and determination, I currently have no recent success stories to share with them so I walk away and loathe them instead. Why can't I be happy for them? I happen to really like the guys. Its not like these people wronged me in any way. There was no confrontation. There was no gloating. Hell i wasn't even in the conversation!! I was listening in hopes that others were struggling the way that I am Because I'm selfish (and crazy) and all I think about is my shortcomings. I guess jealousy and self-pity are holding hands and strolling through the amusement park that is my mind and trying to ride as many rides as possible. Stupid analogy but I wanted to say something that sounded clever. That was the best I got. Ok so maybe I'm not going to be happy today and maybe I will struggle with a few of my glaring defects. It happens like this sometimes. Looking back on days like this always makes me smile because this is when I grow. This is when I learn. This is when I'm the most helpful to others. This is when I'm closest to God and AA because I know both will take care of me and this will pass. Jason

re: re: Jealousy - posted by gilly on 12/09 02:41PM Thanks for your experience. It helps to hear that I'm not the only one that struggles with this. I'll see ya'll soon, Gilles

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While we hope that all our guests share their experience as it relates to the program of Alcoholics Anonymous, we remind everyone that the contents of these message strings are strictly personal opinions of the authors. When in doubt about the nature of statements made please consult the Big Book and other AA reference materials... our motto: "If its not in the book, it doesn't count." Thank you all for sharing.