The Barflies Message Board

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Need a break - posted by Pile of Coathangers at 11/06 12:16PM FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK! Not sure exactly what to call my state of mind right now. I was having a shitty morning anyway due to lingering resentments regarding a couple of co-workers and wouldn't you know more aggravation strikes. For the past several months I have been trying to move on from my ex-girlfriend, but she never seems to fail upsetting my apple cart. Not to mention her impeccable timing. Hell, I've talked to people about her, prayed for her and when she got fired from her job tried helping her get a job. She contacted me the day she got fired wanting to know if I could help her. I know that I have tried to take the high road with her and dismissed some of the things she did to me after we separated. I've looked at my part in all this shit and know how I failed the relationship. To be honest I wouldn't mind being friends with her except for the fact that it is an intense reminder of my failures. You know, never going to meet the right lady, your a dumbass for trying etc. I'm not looking for pity, just seeing if folks might of had a similar experience and how they got through it. I guess I feel lonely and wonder when I will meet the right woman.

re: Need a break - posted by sage of st. francisville on 11/06 12:26PM I feel lonely too. Not for the reasons you mentioned but because of my reckless behavior lately. Don't know what to say to you except to comiserate. I have ran off anything worthwhile so I would suppose I am just going to hang with the fellas for a while so to speak. Good luck with your lonliness. Maybe we could have coffee together and talk about it. Sure could use a friend myself right now. Sober for 1 day and not a whole day at that but its a start. Dont want to drink. Could care less about companionship at the moment. Just dont want to drink.

re: Need a break - posted by Pile of Coathangers on 11/06 12:40PM No shit! I understand where you're at! My drinking led to some of my relationship problems and I made bad decisions. Damn as far as getting drunk, there is no way in hell I wanted to be around my self, much less any body else, when I was drying out. I can sit her and just think about the monumental feelings of insecurity, inadequacy and just a general fear of existence. Had that feeling that only my Mom could love me. Some times though in my most desperate hours is when I would seek help from people who I wouldn't normally ask help from. You know I had to get beat into submission.

re: Need a break - posted by kah on 11/06 01:25PM Several years ago after a breakup that was absolutely the most horrifically painful thing I had experienced, at least by that time, a friend said something to me that I never forgot - "when these last gaspers grabbed hold of AA principles with all the fervor the drowning seized life preservers, they almost invariably got well". That was what I wanted, to get well. So I tried to just practice principles. In time, I quit going where I knew he would be and pretty much killed contact. FOR ME, the whole "lets be friends" thing is futile, exhausting and over-rated. I certainly wanted to be civil and so forth, but the idea that we could continue to participate in each others lives brought nothing but more pain. The other thing that I beleive was a turning point was something in the second step about asking God what he wanted from me. I had prayed a million prayers to let it go, be set free, for him, about him, etc. When I finally threw my hands up in the air and just asked God what did he want from me, the answer came. It was "love and serve". Period. I found peace and have had it ever since. I run into that ex from time to time and have peace about it now. Peace beyond any human understanding. I wish him well and pray for him often and God knows if he ever needed help, I would always help him and I know he would help me. I know that I will always love him, but I dont "pine" for him anymore. It took time. A long time. I too get lonely, sometimes more than others. I dont really know if there is someone out there for me or not, but I absolutely beleive that if there is not, God will make me ok with that. For today, it is ok. I wish you both well. Peace, Kim

re: Need a break - posted by Norma Desmond on 11/06 02:30PM My motives for getting into romantic relationships always shake out as some sort of selfishness/self-centeredness, even though I convince myself otherwise at the time. Of course, I don't see this until later...when I'm forced into an examination of conscience after a painful/humiliating experience. If I was truly interested in being their friend, things would be very different between us from the beginning. I wonder if I'll ever be capable of a true partnership?

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While we hope that all our guests share their experience as it relates to the program of Alcoholics Anonymous, we remind everyone that the contents of these message strings are strictly personal opinions of the authors. When in doubt about the nature of statements made please consult the Big Book and other AA reference materials... our motto: "If its not in the book, it doesn't count." Thank you all for sharing.