The Barflies Message Board

Welcome to the Barflies Group Message Board. We encourage all alcoholics to share their experience, strength and hope in a way that is conducive to AA’s primary purpose, which is to stay sober and help other alcoholics achieve sobriety.

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Scared - posted by Ashley at 11/02 11:45AM I am so scared today. I'm full of fear, anxiety, and depression. Can't seem to do anything besides feel sorry for myself and worry about the outcome of my life in general. I'm lonely and feel so hopeless and I want to drink pretty bad today. I haven't felt this bad in a while.

re: Scared - posted by Radja on 11/02 12:23PM I wish there was a phrase or prayer or a time line that would let drinks know that what we're experiencing now will not last long. Hell, chances are we are only going to feel this way for awhile, and then 2 more months later it will be something completely…such as we’re in love but he’s not this, or my job suck because …..fill in blank. What I do know is despair it hurts like nothing else; it take away my hope. I dreamt a doosey last night; because when I woke up this morning I was sobbing. No idea why, when I went to bed last night I felt okay; I had helped a neighbor, gone to a meeting and called my Father after the Yankee/Philli game to say goodnight. What happened, I don’t know, all I know is when I awoke i unable to move and I’m still carrying "it" around with me: Despair. Please give call if you ever need to talk/need ride to meeting...etc. Angie – 225-326-9524

re: Scared - posted by Ashley on 11/02 12:54PM Thanks Angie. I started the morning off pretty good by praying and meditating. I got a job interview notice last Friday and it's working for a dept. that I previously worked for a while back. The job title is the same, but the work is a little different. I have a family member who also works there and he agreed that if I were to get the job, he would pick me up and bring me home since he lives in Zachary too. Also, according to the dept., I would have reinstatement rights since I haven't been gone that long which means that they would hire me back in at what I was making when I left which was a descent living. More than I've made in a long time now, and a lot more than I'm making now which is zero! Anyway, it just seems like I need a miracle to get this and it seems like it would be so perfect. Like it's my last bit of hope of possibly having somewhat of a life again. I think the bottom line is I'm afraid that I'm not going to get it. I can't imagine what else would work out for me if this doesn't. It just seems like my last chance and I'm scared to death that it's not going to work out for me. Just really scared is all. Thanks for the offer. I may call you soon if you really don't mind. My number is 454-7295, so if you see the number on caller ID, it's me. P.S. Did I mention that I'm scared...LOL...just kidding ;) Thanks again for your response.

re: Scared - posted by Paul M on 11/02 01:38PM 'Keep ever an empty vessel for Me to fill.'

re: Scared - posted by kah on 11/02 01:56PM I woke up this morning feeling alot of fear and depression too, plus a certain amount of "justified anger" that I promise is better left to more "well balanced people". Lots of major changes lately. Lots of transition. Where I get stuck is in that classic alcoholic thinking of "it has always been this way and it will never get any better". That is just an out and out lie. This period of change is just one of many since I have gotten sober and I am sure it is not the last. So, I get to a noon meeting and a friend reminds me that this too shall pass, it won't feel like this forever. I had walked in teary eyed and started cutting up with a friend and left laughing. AA amazes me. Just sitting in a meeting, halfway paying attention, cutting up a bit and my whole perspective changed. The circumstances in my life are exactly the same right now as they were this morning, yet something is lighter on the inside. I keep hearing a dear friends voice telling me many times "did you forget that god is not going to give you more than you can handle today?" Sometimes I do forget. That same friend tells me that I have hundreds of oppurtunites a day to be useful. Small ways, random acts of kindness kind of stuf. Seems like when I can focus my efforts there, things seem to settle down on the inside some. Peace to you, K

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While we hope that all our guests share their experience as it relates to the program of Alcoholics Anonymous, we remind everyone that the contents of these message strings are strictly personal opinions of the authors. When in doubt about the nature of statements made please consult the Big Book and other AA reference materials... our motto: "If its not in the book, it doesn't count." Thank you all for sharing.