The Barflies Message Board

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Gloomy Monday - posted by Norma Desmond at 09/14 03:02PM So, I've been at this new job for 9 1/2 months. When I started, I was really burnt from two years in a high pressure, high profile job. I sought an escape and the higher power presented me with one. Now I'm low man on the totem pole, working among a very small and exceedingly ambitious, backstabbing group. I've never before courted recognition in the workplace, but it's always come to me. However, at this job I'm practically invisible. And I'm pissed. I want credit and deference. But I'm not willing to: 1) promote myself, or 2) brown-nose and form strategic alliances with higher-ups by ingratiating myself. I don't have a charming personality (that disappeared when I stopped being manipulative and started being more honest in sobriety) and I don't flirt (again, that disappeared when I stopped being manipulative and started being more honest in sobriety). So I don't know how to get the attention and recognition I crave. As you might imagine, as selfish and self-centered as I am in personal relationships, I'm even worse in social situations (hard to imagine, but true). Putting the job aside, I hate my career. I've been at it for 10 years and I can't even pretend to care anymore, so I'm probably a glum lot in the workplace. I'm having a very gloomy Monday. I don't need ease and comfort, I need a spiritual transformation. Suggestions, anyone? Yours, Norma D.

re: Gloomy Monday - posted by Jules on 09/15 01:12PM Usually, when I feel like I'm underappreciated and deserving of stuff, it makes for a rough day and a huge blow up of my pride. My pride is constantly kicking my ass. My good friend asked me one time if I could be ok if I wasn't the best at this, or the favorite of them, or the most fun, or the smartest. I almost choked. I could be ok. The Higher Power will give me what I need, maybe not what I want, to be at peace. My ultimate goal is to be at peace with the Higher Power and those around. If I'm constantly looking for "what can I get from" instead of "what can I bring to", I have a chance at peace because my selfishness may be being kept at bay by the Grace of the Higher Power. I usually get this through serving and not wondering where "it" is. Hopefully Tuesday will prove to be better.

re: Gloomy Monday - posted by Paul M on 09/17 05:30PM The workplace isn't what I always thought it was. For so long I only asked what it could give me, and how little effort could I put in to get that. But applying the AA principles of service to it I ask rather what is it that I have to offer, how are my skills and abilities suited for this position, and what ultimate service will I be doing for the society around me by taking this position. I have found it true that so long as I make efforts to serve my fellows my needs are always met, not as a result of my service; but more in the Grand scheme of things. My first job in sobriety payed $7/hr and my bills got paid while I was relieved of stress and pressure. As my pay has increased so have my responsibilities and it appears to work at a pace that the HP has arranged just for me, one in which I can get comfortable most of the time. From this perspective I understand wanting to get out of the high pressure job, and I know the relief of not playing the back-stabbing games and near joy of being practically invisible while attending to my duties. But credit and deference? This seems like another way of saying I'd like to be prideful and believing it is a good thing which AA has taught me never is. I can't offer any suggestions to help you be prideful and think I was doing you a service. Neither can I offer suggestions about how to garner pride in your career. My only suggestion would be to rethink from the ground up what the HP would have you do in the workplace and rest in the satisfaction that the deal is between you and him - not you and your employer or fellow employees. The deal is simply that if you serve Him then He takes care of you. Or maybe not.

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While we hope that all our guests share their experience as it relates to the program of Alcoholics Anonymous, we remind everyone that the contents of these message strings are strictly personal opinions of the authors. When in doubt about the nature of statements made please consult the Big Book and other AA reference materials... our motto: "If its not in the book, it doesn't count." Thank you all for sharing.