The Barflies Message Board

Welcome to the Barflies Group Message Board. We encourage all alcoholics to share their experience, strength and hope in a way that is conducive to AA’s primary purpose, which is to stay sober and help other alcoholics achieve sobriety.

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Clueless - posted by Pile of Coathangers at 07/09 09:19AM Damn, went to a Big Book meeting last night and ended up getting into a verbal altercation with one of the resident nuts! He has 25 years of sobriety, but has read CODA material in AA meetings at times just to give you an idea of his sobriety. Oh yea, he only speaks of smoking pot. The reason the argument started was over me telling the chairperson that at most Big Book studies the 1st 164 pages are read and discussed and not the personal stories. I prayed and thought about this before I made my mind up to do it. I felt like it was the right thing to do. Well, the nut was sitting next to her and began telling me I didn't know shit because I only had 5 months and that they were going to do it her way. I flipped out and called him a crazy MF'er and walked out the door. I returned and made amends to him and stayed for the meeting. We read from the personal stories and everyone spoke of how wonderful things are now because they are sober. No depth and weight! At that point I realized that it is there meeting and they can have it. What scares the fuck out of me is that I can't find a good meeting around the area except for the one a couple people and I are starting, but that only meets one day a week. If I look at my past history staying sober and getting drunk there is a key component, resisting change and trusting God . Each time I move somewhere it's difficult for me to reach out and become part of AA. When I moved from Arkansas to Louisiana I got drunk after 2.5 years. When I moved from BR to T-Bo I got drunk at around 1.5 years. I am tired of getting drunk and having to sober up again, but these meetings are horrible down here. I have tried being part of the group, but they are so inbred and closed minded about AA and meetings there can be no common ground. The meetings they have are like group sessions. Any suggestions?

re: Clueless - posted by sky on 07/09 09:42AM Go anyway.

re: Clueless - posted by Paul M on 07/09 01:35PM Somewhere in the literature I'm sure I read that groups have the right to be wrong - to make mistakes and be free to test things. They are encouraged to make decisions based on an informed group conscience, meaning they should base it on AA experience rather than on the emotional prowess of the members. Chips, for instance, are not AA sanctioned but many groups do it and they have every right to. Other meetings try to solve 'dual addictions' and the AA literature specifically says they should not call themselves AA meetings. But we do not stand in judgement because AA needs no police - alcoholism and the pains of living with it are all the members need along those lines. We instead practice the code of love and tolerance. We gently show and explain and remind people what AA experience is and let them learn their lessons. Meanwhile we practice the principles in our own meeting to evidence what success this practice brings. We learn the difference between standing up for AA and being intolerant. We show love for the ones who want it but are misguided, and we send people who don't belong here on their way. If everyone else in the room is 'doing great' and you share that you're not it doesn't put you at odds with the room. It simply gives another opinion - which is what the stories in the back of the book are... more opinions. We don't call them the program of AA and any one of them is subject to deletion in the next edition so we don't put any emphasis on them. Still they allow us to see how other people feel and when we are honest about how we feel we most often find that newcomers are attracted and have a feeling that they can talk to us about their own tribulations. So I suggest you sit back, enjoy, and be honest... and see what happens.

re: Clueless - posted by Pile of Coathangers on 07/09 02:21PM I guess that's not entirely what I wanted to hear, but I guess y'all are right. The same individual in the meeting said that the "love in AA meetings keeps you sober". Today has been one of those days when you wonder if others can hear you thinking, lol!

re: Clueless - posted by kah on 07/09 02:24PM It is a very rare occasion when I go to a meeting that I felt was just great, loved what everyone said, loved how the meeting was conducted, etc. And yet I go anyway. I wish I had a nickle for every time I would tell my sponsor about some horrible meeting, tradition violations, etc. all those things that bother me and she would very calmly just say "so, go anyway - but see what you can bring to the meeting instead of what are you getting out of it" I try to do that. Just a silent prayer of "what can I bring? how can I be useful here". I just left a meeting that I really don't like. Yet, I needed a meeting, had an hour, and went. The topic was "why are we here?" It was good to hear some of the things that were shared: to stay sober and help others stay sober, to give back, so newcomers know where to find us. Bottom line is, in addition to those reasons just mentioned, I still go because as bad as the meeting may be, it pales in comparison to where I came from and I never want to go back there. Peace to you.

re: Clueless - posted by blank on 07/09 06:32PM maybe you could realize progress over perfection..... I wish I could....at least you have the willingness, humility, freedom, and grace to show up. Keep going to AA and just be yourself. It is a gift that might not be so easy to get back one day. When I pull up anywhere, I feel like I have to climb over this wall and get to the other side. It makes me feel like I want to throw up. Typically, I just turn around and go somewhere else. And then the same thing happens there. Most of the time, I just hang out, sleeping, and thinking about what I need to do to get my life straight. The willingness, humility, and sobriety are gifts that you have already been given today. Or maybe you obtained them, but you have them. Just go to AA and don't stop; you may have a really hard time finding your way back. This is the closest thing to meeting that I've had in about 2-3 weeks, so I hope you all don't mind my response. That's a long time for a drunk like me. The days are so long and there is not much joy or peace at all. No sense of purpose or dignity. Just exisiting. Anyway, thank god for the gift(s) he's given you today. There is something inside of me that is keeping me from what I know is good. I just wish I could show up like the rest of you. We'll see I guess?

re: Clueless - posted by jules on 07/09 10:00PM I like what kah and sky had to say. Should I go? yes. Do I want to? no. Has this become an option? no. My sponsor tells me to see what I can bring to a meeting, not what I can get. I guess that's still hitting up the idea of self being the root of my misery. If only I could put other's needs ahead of my own....... A few years ago, there was this cool meeting in town that I got so excited about and wished for the next few years that it wasn't the only one I truly enjoyed. Well, this meeting grew and grew, which was awesome. Some others I've seen have folded, so this meeting had something. It spoke to me in a way that was special. Well, after some time, I guess other people needed other options than this one night to have a cool meeting. Another meeting started on a different night! Also cool for a selfish drunk like me that wants "good" meetings. The whole reason for meetings, as layed out in our literature, says that it's a place where newcomers can go with their problems or questions. That means that maybe I should go in case I can help with that. I'm not saying that I don't bitch about bad meetings. I do. But, I have also suffered consequences from refusing to go to meetings in a new city. I was pretty desperate and restless. I didn't drink. The Higher Power is cool like that. I know that for me to have a chance at sobriety, I'm asked to be willing, even if it means willing to go to shitty meetings. I sincerely hope you get that meeting started. Within time, I feel confident others will feel the way about your new meeting the way I felt about barflies:) Good luck to you Pile. As for Blank, I still have to pray for willingness. It's only for today and the day is almost over. Hopefully you'll grace the rooms of AA with your defects so that others can feel like they belong there too.:)

re: Clueless - posted by Pile of Coathangers on 07/10 01:53PM I appreciate y'alls replies and they made since which always nice. Just need to go there and see what i can bring and not looking for what I can get.

re: Clueless - posted by Norma Desmond on 09/17 11:46AM I do love a good meeting. But meetings don't keep anyone sober. The Higher Power via the vehicle of the 12 steps keeps people sober. Meetings are a place where newcomers can bring their problems and receive the experience, strength and hope of whichever memebers of the fellowship happen to show up that night. By definition, my experience is personal and doesn't speak to everyone. Only drunks like me can identify. So I speak my truth and see who responds. If no one "gets me" then at least I was honest, open and willing. And I freely offered what I've been given. If no one identifies, then I get a chance to practice patience and tolerance, love and service. I can't have too many of these opportunities. Trust me on this.

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While we hope that all our guests share their experience as it relates to the program of Alcoholics Anonymous, we remind everyone that the contents of these message strings are strictly personal opinions of the authors. When in doubt about the nature of statements made please consult the Big Book and other AA reference materials... our motto: "If its not in the book, it doesn't count." Thank you all for sharing.