The Barflies Message Board

Welcome to the Barflies Group Message Board. We encourage all alcoholics to share their experience, strength and hope in a way that is conducive to AA’s primary purpose, which is to stay sober and help other alcoholics achieve sobriety.

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Hmmm - posted by klewisunf at 01/10 11:43AM Don't know if anyone gets on here or not, but maybe the writing will help. So I have been really having a rough time. I don't want to hang out with any of my AA buddies. I have been sober for 6 years and most of my friends are women that I have known my whole recovery. The problem is that ALL of them are on meds. Can you imagine how hard it is to relate when I am going through a hard time? They know my personal opinions on meds and probably whisper behind my back that I just don't have it "as bad" and don't need meds so I shouldn't be judgmental. The fact is I don't feel like I can connect to them on any level anymore. I work about 60-70 hours a week. I am lucky if I get to 2 meetings a week and when I go I feel so disconnected. I don't talk to newcomers as much, because honestly I can't tell who is new, because I am never at the same meeting. I have a girl I have been sponsoring for a few years and other friends that I can be of service to, so that keeps me connected somewhat, but I still feel so messed up. I am judgmental that every one is on meds, I am jealous that people don't have to work 2 jobs, and I am jealous that people can afford the luxury of buying cute clothes, have babies, and not fret over tons of debt. I just feel like I have NO ONE who can relate to me. I have a sponsor that truly does point me in the right direction, but I feel like I am so far off the beam that I can't ever take a suggestion or absorb what AA says. I feel like my ego and pride are shielding me from the things I used to believe and the way I used to view life when I was spiritually connected. When I look at things from a realistic view my life is good….damn good, especially compared to what it used to look like, but I still feel like shit and my head won’t stop messing with me.

re: Hmmm - posted by Paul M on 01/10 12:44PM It is a sad thing when an alcoholic who wants a spiritual solution finds themselves out of place at an AA meeting. I have experienced that many times and ultimately started a new meeting where that wouldn't happen. In the process I found that there were many who felt as I did but were unable to say anything for various reasons - mostly as you they didn't want to run off what seeming friends they had in AA. This kind of pain opens our minds to what the real problem is - why don't we want to be a part of this group of "alcoholics?" Where is the cement that is supposed to bind these unlikely friends? Why isn't AA working? It is, and it will when we do what it says. On page 17 it says: "The feeling of having shared in a common peril is one element in the powerful cement which binds us. But that in itself would never have held us together as we are now joined. The tremendous fact for every one of us is that we have discovered a common solution." So we need both parts and if we start over and offer both parts we will again have this joyous intimacy with friends. Meds are not our solution, common or otherwise, and they are only 1 of a hundred other solutions AA is not here to offer. We shouldn't even be part of the debate over whether they work any more than we should consult each other about shock therapy... so I won't. I have the great fortune of a sponsor who has experienced spiritual growth and seen the miraculous results. His testiment begged me to try and I found the same. I see in my men more of the same as they face life with new promise and come back to me with unbelievable stories of spiritual conquest. And there is the timeless legacy we pass on. There is the bright spot of our lives we find in newcomers. So we start over. We leave the meds alone and try applying spiritual principles to our lives - and go back to AA with the results. The ones who want it find us in a corner after the meeting and friendship is born. Then we are inspired and thirst for more such that the once force-feeding of humility starts to become the greatest desire of our hearts. And in short time it becomes us. The real question is "what would God have you do?" Are these 70 hours of work for the service of others or yourself? Are you neglecting others if the latter is true? Do we honestly believe that cute clothes make people happy or do they really separate people? If God has taken care of you so well up to now why would he stop if you had a baby? What is debt but the consequences of our actions? If God insisted you have that debt then can't he work it out for you? Is He everything? Does peace come from dignity and character or from financial status? Does your debt get in the way of serving others? We all fall off the beam. Circumstances and worldly clamours agitate us. These can be cause to go or to grow. Just last week I had trouble with a neighbor and my head was filled with rage. At night I couldn't sleep and I'd ask God to take it away but it stayed. Finally the novel thought came to me that I simply wasn't trusting Him to work it out as He would have it, followed quickly by the thought that He has always worked things out well before. I slept fine last night.

re: Hmmm - posted by arenee1219 on 01/10 02:47PM Well, I can certainly relate. I haven't been sober for that long, but I can absolutely relate to the defects and "cut off" feeling. There are times that I look around and life seems to be so peaceful for others. People all around me are dating, getting married, buying houses, understanding AA, and most of all...living with peace. I for one am not among them. I am a single mother who is a raging drunk. I am full of anger, self-pity, envy, greed, gluttony, pride...oh the list could just go on and on. Basically, I live, trying to make it each day and feeling as if everyone else in the world gets there's (whatever that is) except for me. I too have worked more than one job on numerous occasions and found myself in some pretty bad places emotionally and spiritually. What I found out was that as long as I was unwilling to put AA and a Higher Power first, then there was no peace to be had. I looked up one day after working 60-70 hours one week and realized that I was tired, cut-off from the fellowship, and just down right angry. I was angry that I was the only one who had to do it, I was tired and exhausted from the physical aspect of it all, and my ability to serve drunks had been completely diminished. I knew that I couldn't do it anymore, but I was so scared. How were "we" going to make it? How was I going to pay my bills? I didn't know, but I knew that I was going to have to trust the Higher Power to work it out or I would probably drink. I quit, knew there would be consequences, and waited for the ball to drop. Ultimately, since then, I've maybe bounced 2 checks, there haven't been any utilities disconnected, all of my agreements with my creditors have been met, I got through a birthday for a 6 year old, and Christmas without any neglect on my part financially. It doesn't add up on paper. I have no idea how it's working, but I was forced to lean on the HP, and go back to what I knew was being asked of me. I had to go back to AA and the fellowship. Have I always done this gracefully, whole heartedly, or with enthusiasm? No, I have been resistant most of the way, but I have invariably gotten what AA has to offer along with many more benefits. I have not taken a drink! Also, I have a host of friends who love me and look forward to being around me (if you can believe that), and I have some faith that impossible is in fact quite POSSIBLE. I forget so often that my real purpose is to fit myself to be of maximum service to God and my fellows. It never fails…I forget, become resistant, show up miserable, and the hand of AA is always there to welcome me back and show me once again that there is in fact a solution!

re: Hmmm - posted by klewisunf on 01/11 11:55AM Thanks for the responses. They helped put things into perspective. I cut back at work last week (which gives me some relief), made a meeting, shared, and made a point to hook up with some people I know are going through a rough time.

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While we hope that all our guests share their experience as it relates to the program of Alcoholics Anonymous, we remind everyone that the contents of these message strings are strictly personal opinions of the authors. When in doubt about the nature of statements made please consult the Big Book and other AA reference materials... our motto: "If its not in the book, it doesn't count." Thank you all for sharing.