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Anger / Fighting / Spiritual Solution - posted by Sage Of St. Francisville at 07/20 02:56PM Lately, I have been angry w/ my ex wife. I wake up in the mornings and immediately think of something negative having to do w/ her and how we both deal with the kids. I do pray and meditate on the kids and my role in their lives. I am sometime able to allow my Ex to be who she is but sometimes I rip into her and end up feeling bad about it. I feel as though I am copping out on fatherly responsibilities by letting her have the kids all the time. Not sure if this is selfish or Gods will. I suppose I am confused about what I should do if anything. Questions do arise from all of this.... Does one ever fight for what they want when pursuing a spiritual way of life? ...or is this a contradiction? Is taking someone to court spiritual? Can fighting for something be spiritual or is this a demonstration in lack of faith?

re: Anger / Fighting / Spiritual Solution - posted by sky on 07/27 10:36PM For me, anger and spiritual fitness don't co-exist. When I'm angry at something or somebody, I'm blind to anything else. I don't believe it's God's will for me to flip off people or hang up the phone on somebody or even to fantasize about slamming a coffee mug in the back of somebody's head regardless of what they've done --- and these are all things that I've experienced when I'm angry. The discomfort of doing or thinking this kinda stuff usually -- eventually, anyway --- leads me to try to look at what's underneath the anger, and it's always something about me. Usually it boils down to somebody not being who or what I want them to be. It's selfish. Period. So, not spiritual. Is fighting spiritual? I think it depends on what you mean by 'fighting.' Is taking somebody to court spiritual? I don't know. I've never taken anybody to court. But I have had a situation at work where I have experienced a great deal of anger and anguish over for a long time. I agonized over how to handle it...sometimes it would ease up and not bother me so much, then it would flare up again. And after a while, I was able to see how my defects played into and even aggravated the situation. And I'd at times even be able to be kind and tolerant and look for ways to be useful to this person. But even on a good day, I felt on guard around this guy. I prayed about it, I talked about it to a lot of people and got a lot of conflicting advice about whether I should file a complaint that could potentially damage somebody's career and reputation. I don't think I thought of it like this at the time, but I do think I was thinking 'is making a formal complaint against somebody a spiritual act?' I still am not sure of the answer, but one day I realized that I had been trying to base my decision on how I felt rather than looking at what was right/wrong. It didn't matter how I felt...this guy was doing something that was wrong in the eyes of the company and in the eyes of the law. It wasn't my role to judge him. As long as I was keeping this information to myself instead of taking it to the proper individuals who ARE here to make those judgements, I was making myself his judge and jury on a daily basis. And my judgements rested on my feelings --- whatever they happened to be that day. And that's wrong. And, honestly, my main objection to making a complaint really boiled down to how it might fall back on me and affect MY career, not his. Taking a stand that might backfire on me has been really scary. But, ultimately, selfish in nature. I think that sometimes we have to take unpopular stands that may make others angry. So, not too long ago, I made the formal complaint. I do wonder that if I weren't so twisted that I might have handled it early on without making a complaint. It's too soon to say 'it all worked out this way or that way and everybody lived happily ever after.' But I do know that since I took the situation to the people better equipped than I to make judgement that I have been able to look at this guy with compassion. Time may change my mind but today I feel like I did the right thing.

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While we hope that all our guests share their experience as it relates to the program of Alcoholics Anonymous, we remind everyone that the contents of these message strings are strictly personal opinions of the authors. When in doubt about the nature of statements made please consult the Big Book and other AA reference materials... our motto: "If its not in the book, it doesn't count." Thank you all for sharing.